The ‘Mommy Pooch” and It’s power
“I would advice for men to be cautious in how they compliment or criticize a mommy tummy. It’s a sensitive subject. Let us women speak and tell our our story. It’s empowering and healing.”
The “Mommy Pooch”
The "mommy pooch," "mommy tummy," "uterus fanny pack," "mommy bulge," "belly pooch"—it has many names, some complimentary, some critical.
Some of us love it, some of us hate it, and some of us just don’t care.
I have experienced this several times: three post-natural births, once post-C-section, and once post-miscarriage. Each experience was different.
Let’s talk about why these experiences vary for us as women, and why it matters so much to us.
Each "pooch" represents that a baby has been there before. This can be incredibly attractive to some men. My husband says that pregnancy and all its stages, including postpartum, signify that we have created life together. He has told me it has deepened our connection and his attraction to me because I am the mother of his children.
Some men have confided in me that they love the "mommy tummy," whether it's due to a MILF fetish, breeding fetish, symbol of maturity, or simply its "realness."
My Opinion on the "Mommy Pooch"
I believe we women often want to return to our pre-pregnancy bodies more for familiarity than beauty.
Hang with me here, we've been told for generations that a flat tummy is the epitome of beauty. We've seen our pre-baby bodies our entire lives. After having a baby, we need to retrain our minds to see and accept this new body.
Some of us find this harder than others. Some post-baby seasons are tougher than others. (physically or emotionally)
It's crucial for both women and men to understand this. This is a new stage in your relationship.
For most men, the dream of loving, marrying, and having a baby with a woman doesn’t usually come with concerns about a "pooch."
When a woman is eight months pregnant, a good man sticks by her side and will cater to her needs. When the baby is born, he’s amazed by his spouse's strength. Two months later, even though the baby is the first priority, he still sees her as that sexy, amazing woman.
But for the woman, she may feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and anxious, wondering how he could still find her sexy.
So, what’s my point?
My goal is to help you understand each other better.
Let me share a bit of my experience. Maybe you can find something helpful in return.
My Experience
My first pregnancy was planned at the age of 19. Mr. Cullen and I were madly in love, eager to start a family. Despite old wives' tales about fertility issues, we conceived on the first try.
I was a nervous wreck throughout the pregnancy. After our baby arrived, we had a lot of growing up to do. One of my many challenges was the way I saw my body. My clothes felt different, and there were new curves.
Yoga helped me in this postpartum season. It strengthened my core, brought peace, and gradually helped me feel like myself again. Mr. Cullen was patient, though our sex life suffered because I was terrified of becoming pregnant again.
Mr. Cullen didn’t fully understand at the time, but he loved me and focused on supporting me as the mother of his child.
Our second baby was also planned, delivered via C-section because he was breech. He spent four days in the NICU, and I breastfed, which was stressful. I felt pressured to be "better" this time. When I had to quit breastfeeding abruptly due to allergies, it was hard on my body, and I became very depressed. Mr. Cullen was my rock, and we recovered quickly, with our baby sleeping well and our sex life thriving.
We were happy but felt something was missing, so we decided to have another baby. We got pregnant before our second baby was 10 months old, but my body couldn’t handle it. We lost the baby at our first OB appointment. I lost the baby on our second child's first birthday.
This loss left me with no mommy pooch but a deep emotional wound. I cried myself to sleep for weeks, and Mr. Cullen didn’t know how to help. Talking about miscarriage was uncommon then, and many didn’t even consider it a baby because it was so early. The emotional roller coaster was immense, and I felt the only way to recover was to try for another baby.
We soon had baby number three, a healthy VBAC baby weighing 8 lbs. 7 oz. This perfect pregnancy and birth were followed by severe PPD. There was no intimacy, and I became obsessed with being the perfect mom, driven by childhood trauma. I became suicidal and unable to cope with daily life. Mr. Cullen took on most responsibilities, supporting our entire family for over a year.
Although, I may have physically got back “in shape” it was due to unhealthy habits, and I emotionally still didn’t feel like myself.
After some time, we made it through the trenches, and I felt a renewed desire for intimacy. Then, I missed a period, and we discovered we were expecting baby number four. We weren’t nervous, having survived the worst before, but we felt overwhelmed.
Our last baby was sweet, and we were all in love. I was ready to rebuild my body and feel sexy again! Then came the two-month appointment. Our baby needed a craniectomy for Craniosynostosis. I quit my job to be fully present as mommy. I did not get to workout or focus on my diet, as I was consumed with being a mom.
I worried this would effect Mr. Cullen’s attraction to me, but it didn’t. He still saw me as his wife!
Our baby’s surgery and healing process was smooth and we were excited to be done having babies.
Yet, I still struggled with my libido, and I didn’t feel like his sexy wife anymore.
This is when I realized my feelings were more than stress, so I reached out to my family doctor and started mild depression medication, which was life-changing. I felt like my 17-year-old self again, proud and confident.
After treating the core of my low libido, our intimacy improved, and we now "make love" rather than "have sex."
I still struggled with my body image and I started to talk openly with Mr. Cullen about it. This is when I started to intentionally work on my feelings more than my looks.
Understanding the "Mommy Pooch"
The "mommy pooch" represents a story, not just a physical trait. Men may see it as sexy, but for some women, it may symbolize PPD or NICU stays. Not all women can control how their bodies heal, and men should be cautious on how they compliment or criticize a mommy tummy.
Fellow mamas, if you’re struggling with your new body, look in the mirror (naked) and give yourself the space to feel. Cry, smile, remember, it’s okay. Do this daily until you recognize yourself as who you are now.
Fellow dads, remind her how strong and beautiful she is. Compliment her daily. She will appreciate that more than you know.
I hope this insight will help you understand each other more.
For more info, check out some of my favorite resources.
Resources:
Exercises that are promote healthy healing:
https://www.nourishmovelove.com/postpartum-recovery-diastasis-recti-exercises/
Info on PPD
Reach out for help, talk to someone who cares and loves you. It’s okay to need medication and it’s okay to not be perfect
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617
Intimacy and Low self-esteem
https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/having-sex/sex-and-self-esteem-3949.html
Info on breastfeeding and it’s effects on intimacy with our partner:
https://www.nct.org.uk/life-parent/sex-after-baby/breastfeeding-and-sex-five-surprising-facts
